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So, this is an exception because you want to stray away from causing any more damage. You can be honest, but you don’t have to disclose everything. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions like donating money, volunteering our time or providing care. In addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned. For example, we might intend to https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/alcohol-abuse-and-narcissism-how-are-they-linked/ go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event. While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behavior.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ASL – Step Four
And remember, if you are feeling ashamed about mistakes made and damage done during your using days, you are not your disease. When first writing your list, don’t worry about including everyone you have wronged. Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times.
We’ll also include a Step 9 amends letter for anyone who wants to implement this step but isn’t sure how to. Apologize for what you have done and fully own your role. Avoid the temptation to shirk responsibility by casting blame or justifying your actions.
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It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship. Your efforts to make amends may not always go as well as you hope. Try not to respond with anger or defensiveness if others aren’t responsive to your efforts. They have been hurt by your actions, and they may not be willing to forgive and forget. They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends.
Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA. In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin the process of making amends. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions ASL – Step One
Perhaps the person is no longer living, or you no longer have contact with them and reestablishing contact would cause more harm. How you start these conversations depends on your relationship with the person you harmed and the circumstances in which you plan to make direct amends. When making direct amends, it is usually best to do so after a sustained period of sobriety and while in a calm state of mind. If you have living amends devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year.
- Working the steps, including Step 8, while aided by the fellowship of others, can provide a strong support network and contribute to recovery success.
- I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions.
- Just like each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s.
- That’s why the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous call for us to make amends during the recovery process.
- The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible.
If you deal with these issues head-on and early in your sobriety, there’s no way it can harm you in the future. There may also be individuals with who you know you shouldn’t make direct contact at all. That’s OK, but you’ll want to determine how to make that amend personally, maybe with a vow to live better.
Positive Psychological Effects of Step 9 AA
This is a delicate process that requires forethought, reflection, and strong commitment. If you find yourself jumping to make things right, that’s a great instinct! Just be sure that you can practice what you preach in the years to come. Making your list of amends shouldn’t be rushed, otherwise you may leave something out. Today, I know my words have value whether they pay attention or not. If they didn’t pay attention, I do my best to let them suffer the consequence.
One of the most important things to remember is that not everyone will be accepting of attempts to make amends. Also, you should never attempt to make amends where doing so is likely to cause further harm, such as making direct amends to someone you injured in a drunk driving accident. Instead, consider becoming an organ donor, or donating to charities that support victims of drunk drivers.